Monday, February 21, 2005

Always the Bridesmaid

I dreamt about weddings last night. It was one of those nights where you sleep sporadically and your thoughts and dreams get intertwined, so you end up lying in bed on top of a mountain or something.

I dreamt about vows and aisles and being late.

I had no idea how much anxiety is involved in getting married. I always imagined my wedding would involve my boyfriend and I sauntering down to the local registry office with maybe a parent or two in tow as witnesses. And then we'd pop into the pub for a swift half.

But now that I'm a proper grown-up, I've realised that I'd quite like a big party and for everyone I've ever met to come along. I just wish I didn't have to be there.

I think part of the anxiety is that I've never seen myself as that kind of bride. I thought I'd have purple hair tied up with a shoelace, not a white dress and flowers that match the table decorations.

I suppose the way round it is to see the whole day as a performance. And, if I'm honest, there is a teensy part of me that quite likes the idea of being Barbie for a day.

What I really don't want is for my anxiety to make me talk about weddings all the time, which is mind numbingly boring for someone who's not involved. I've noticed that married women are desperate to talk to me about their special day, presumably because they've been trying so hard not to mention it every other sentence. And if I'm a wedding bore, that means I'll one day be a baby bore, which is even worse.

I just have to keep reminding myself that, even if the flowers are wilted and the cake gives everyone constipation, I still get to go home with the man that I love, so it can't be all bad!

6 comments:

I'm Over The Moon said...

Blether on all you want my sweet, it's your reward for not being 'that' kind of girl the rest of your life! And if you can't be smug about snagging a good husband, just what exactly can you be smug about?

Pepps said...

Oh please!

Someone pass me a bucket, I think I need a soup-burp.

meg said...

Go away. And leave a sensible out of office autoreply this time.

I'm Over The Moon said...

Single Pepps?

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you’re saying. I'm getting married soon too to a woman who makes me feel like a king but I still get all panicked when the subject of what flowers and stationary would go well with this and that.

Don't worry about it, you'll soon be off on that honeymoon and you'll get to enjoy married life.

Shizue said...

Dorcas, you know you promised to squeeze out a baby for all his/her pseudo-Aunts to play with. Nick and Louisa run away each time the girls mention babies so I'm afraid its down to you.
Just lie back and think of Woodford.