Salsasize

So. Monday was a bank holiday. It was a nice day. And I decided to do what any self-respecting human being does on a bank holiday: I went jogging.

The experience was humiliating to say the least. As my boyfriend sprinted past me with a cheery grin on his face and a spring in his step, I shuffled, panted and sweated my way along the shortest jogging route known to man. When I was overtaken by an old lady walking her dog, I knew it was time to stop.

What's sad is that I actually ENJOY doing sport. I like that feeling of pushing yourself really hard and being able to collapse in a contented heap at the end.

Maybe I could take up swimming again. I used to swim all the time when I was a student, but my last experience in a public pool ended with me standing shivering in the changing rooms while a burly lifeguard prised open my locker with a crowbar. Another problem with swimming is that I can't wear glasses or contact lenses, which makes me assume (somewhat unfairly) that all the people whose heads are blurs are actually laughing at the image of me in a swimming costume. Strangely, I have no problem sunbathing in a bikini on a Mediterranean beach, but as soon as I'm back in Britain, wearing a swimming costume suddenly seems somewhat indecent.

My old friend of the exercising world over the last few years has been the exercise video. I have grown to love Rosemary Conley and her lycra-clad possee of old ladies, particularly when she says things like "...and if you have bad knees, sit out of this one". I've tried salsasize, danceasize, boxing and yoga. I have danced with Lucy Benjamin and nearly had a heart attack with Nell McAndrew. It's all quite good fun really. I recently found an old Jane Fonda workout video that my sister and I used to do. It's one of the funniest things ever, particularly when she suddenly claims "now Lesley's gonna sing!" to which Lesley (whoever the hell that is) bursts into:

"There's so much!
More!
To you than meets the eye,
There's so much!
More!
To you - you've gotta try"

It's pure class.

So, I think I shall be sticking to my exercise videos for now. I'm spared the humiliation of other forms of exercise because nobody except my long-suffering boyfriend and a tigerskin rug can see me. I can do the videos when I want, I can wear what I want (you can't exactly wear pyjamas to the gym, can you?) and I can join in the songs without being escorted from the building. Now, please excuse me, I have some exercising to do...